I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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