All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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