i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
