You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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