who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
