i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
