Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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