Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
