I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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