I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
