You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
