A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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