your thong is hanging out like whoa
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
