I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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