Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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