what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
