Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
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That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
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He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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