As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
