he thought i was a dude.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
