I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
