you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
