Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
