I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
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