i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
