two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
