He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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