Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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