He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
