her vagine was all disorganized.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
i've created a new STD.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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