Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
