I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
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I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
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The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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