Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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