I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
