just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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