dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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