got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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