is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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