i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
