What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
