i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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