I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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