So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
