ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I would fuck him just for his dog
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize