Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
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i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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