This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
