new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You can't just leave with hair like that
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.