I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard