i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos