You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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