I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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