It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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