i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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