It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
