Don't you send me to vm
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
