I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
