period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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