This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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