He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
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She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
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