Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
