Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize