Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Come see our sink grown plant.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
