Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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