Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
