so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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