Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
