the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
