I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
