Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Too much gin, very little bucket
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
