R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
she woke up with a sticky ear
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
