I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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