Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
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