Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
