All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
