8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
